11 Jun Consciously incompetent

‘I only notice it when it’s too late,’ says Alice, ‘then I get terribly annoyed.’ Alice follows the assertiveness training with me. ‘When you are learning new behavior,’ I tell Alice, ‘it is important to realize that a crucial stage of development is the stage of being “consciously incompetent.” You notice that you cannot yet use or apply the new skill. Every development necessarily goes through this stage.’

​At the moment, I am taking an English course myself to be able to speak more fluently. Lately, I have had more contact with English-speaking “Time Surfers” and I was asked to participate in a few podcasts. More often than I would have liked, I found myself searching for the right words.
By now, I can understand and pronounce the English expressions I learn in the course well, but I still don’t integrate them naturally into my conversations. This is typically the “consciously incompetent” phase.

It would be a shame if I were to decide at this moment that it is too difficult for me. Another month or two, and I will probably start using it. Moreover, my English will already be much more fluent, even without me being aware of it, because I practice so regularly.

To Alice I say: ‘You also say that you get annoyed. But in my eyes, that is unnecessary and the self-blame only holds you back. Highlight such a situation, say to yourself: “I would have responded differently there. And if I had done that, I would have used these words.” When you adopt this approach, the result will follow naturally.’

Next, we take the time to practice Alice’s situation through role-playing.

*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch