11 Jun Saving oneself

We are in a narrow alley. ‘Get out, go, go!’ Victor shouts. I never just follow orders blindly and look behind me. There I see a group of riot police officers running into the street with batons drawn, maybe 50 meters away from where I am. In front of me, I see all the fellow demonstrators in panic. I start running and look around at the same time. There is a doorway. I run inside, feel the gate—it’s unlocked. I push it open, run in, and reach an inner courtyard. On the opposite side, a staircase goes up. I don’t think, run across the courtyard, and leap up the stairs, two or three steps at a time. However, a staircase is also a dead end. Once up, I have no way out. I can, however, look out the window. Downstairs I see riot police walking in the courtyard, checking every corner. Then they leave. I feel my heart pounding in my chest and wait at least 10 more minutes before going downstairs. In the street, everything seems calm again.

This took place in Paris in the 1980s. There was a lot of housing shortage and vacancy, just like in Amsterdam at that time. I lived in a squatted building on rue de Crimée. That day, all the squatters in Paris had gathered for a demonstration against the housing shortage.

Meeting with a riot police officer
A few months later, I go to a retreat at the Zen temple near Blois. I feel nervous; it’s one of the first times, and I hardly know anyone. I’m assigned to a dormitory with 8 beds. The bed next to mine is taken by a stocky guy who is clearly new as well. We start talking. ‘What do you do for a living?’ I ask him. ‘I’m a riot police officer,’ he says. I am surprised but at the same time find it funny. There I was facing the riot police, and here I am sharing a bedroom with one. We exchange stories. To be honest, I also have a certain admiration for this man and his job deep down. He protects the state with his own body. I tell him that I have often stood in front of the riot police before, and that I tried to make small talk to break the tension and establish personal contact, but that a riot police officer doesn’t respond to that. He laughs. ‘We’re not supposed to do that,’ he says, ‘but now we’re in contact anyway!’ Throughout the whole retreat, we are like friends. At the end, we hug each other. ‘Who knows, maybe until the next demonstration,’ he jokes.

On the other side
This week I thought about this incident. With the footage from New Year’s where the riot police were being bombarded with fireworks cannons. It affected me. That can only happen if you see the enforcers as your opponents.
I also give my ‘Stress-Free Working’ training to the police. Then there are people in the group for whom this kind of violence has left marks. It is the other side of the story. And just like back then, I hold admiration for these people.

Connection
If you find yourself in a conflict and you really want to be heard, you need to make a connection. This means you also need to look at the other side, behind the other person’s shield, and start with a little conversation!
Making a connection when you are in a disagreement is an essential part of the training ‘Assertiveness and Clear Communication.’ This connection needs to be genuine and not forced. The other person would immediately sense if it were artificial.
When you can break the mood and reach the other person, not as an opponent but as a fellow participant, the conversation that follows will look very different.

*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch