11 Jun A hug everyday keeps the doctor away

When we talk about health, we first think of our body and then our mental health. However, there is a third factor that is just as important as these first two, and that is your social health.

This is stated by Kasley Killam in her book on the art of connection: The Art and Science of Connection, 2024. Killam frequently cites scientific research. For example, a study involving 7,000 people showed that social connection is an important factor in life expectancy.

The Blue Zones
In the Netflix series about The Blue Zones, the same thing comes up. Blue zones are places on earth where people live longer than average, often reaching 100 years or more. One factor that appears in this is strong social connections (in addition to good nutrition, exercise, and a sense of purpose). In these ‘blue zones,’ people are embedded in a community. Even at an advanced age, they are part of a group, are consulted, and continue to play an important role within these communities.

‘A hug every day keeps the doctor away,’ Killam states humorously.

Quality is more important than quantity
In relationships, quality is more important than quantity. Being seen, understood, and loved by a few people is more important than having many superficial contacts.
Australian research shows that, on average, people feel a very deep connection with 1 to 2 individuals, have an emotional bond with around five people, and maintain a friendly relationship with about 15 people.

Killam also provides an indication herself. She calls it the 5 – 3 – 1 rule: make sure you have a conversation with 5 different people each week, maintain 3 good friendships, and spend at least an hour a day on social contacts and meetings. This can be with family members, friends, or colleagues.

Social moments
Or the postman. Today our postman came to deliver a package. He saw my wife’s bike trailer with the logo of her gardening business on it. ‘Are you a gardener?’ asked the postman. ‘No,’ I said, ‘that bike belongs to my wife. She is the gardener!’ ‘Oh, how special,’ he said. I explained that at her company, all the gardening work is done solely by women. ‘Oh, but that’s heavy work,’ he said, ‘I think it’s fantastic that she does it. Do tell her.’ I did. That was already two social moments! ‘Thanks for taking the time for the chat,’ the postman said.

Be a good friend to yourself
Finally, there is one more person who hasn’t been mentioned yet and with whom it is also important to maintain a good relationship. That is yourself.
Be a good friend to yourself too! Do things you enjoy, treat yourself to something nice, and last but not least: be gentle with yourself.

Clear Communication and Assertiveness Training
Social well-being is also an important aspect of the ‘Clear Communication and Assertiveness’ training. In this training, we practice how to communicate in a connecting way, both in speaking and in listening. When this foundation is well maintained, relationships will be deeper and there will be less friction.

Even when you want to address something, it is important to stay connected. We practice this through role-playing exercises, in which I myself act as the role-play actor!

The training is online and, according to participants, works just as well as a physical session. You also don’t have to travel for it.

*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch