11 Jun Don’t say anything

“Thanks for listening,” my friend says. “Oh, how strange,” I think to myself, “it’s very special that she mentions it.” Mira is a good friend. We’ve known each other for about 15 years. She’s been a tremendous support to me in choosing the right direction within my business landscape and overcoming the hurdles I encountered.

The most precious moment
A conversation with her is often profound, and we both take our time. When she talks about herself, she allows silences. I see her thinking. And although I could respond in those quiet moments, I don’t. I know that those are precisely the most precious moments, when someone creates clarity for themselves.

That’s a value I discovered and often applied when I was still coaching one-on-one: say nothing, allow a moment of silence. It’s especially important when the other person is formulating a conclusion for themselves. It’s also often a good response when someone allows themselves to be vulnerable and, as they share, an emotion surfaces.

In conversations, you often see the opposite. Then the other person immediately uses a silence to make a point: “Oh, I am familiar with that too, I’ve experienced that too.”

“Thanks to you too, Mira,” I say, because this friend is also a very good listener!

Sharing and Listening
The communication training I offer twice a year, will start soon. The training is expected to focus on daring to address difficult situations. We do this in every session. However, we also pay a lot of attention to sharing and listening.

When does what you share resonate with the other person? Teaser: Use visual language. What are good questions? Teaser: Ask a question that makes the other person think.

What offers the greatest chance of behavioral change? Teaser: Notice and identify when the other person is already exhibiting the behavior you desire!

*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch