11 Jun I’m good at it and I like doing it

‘I want to try one more thing’, Ted said and looked around the group thoughtfully. My heart sank. I thought I had given it my all and that it would be good now. ‘There is one more thing I would like to see’, Ted continued. ‘I will explain it to you’.

I had an inspiration. ‘I have to go to the toilet’, I said ‘I will be right back’. We were in a good mood, Ted would have preferred to continue immediately but I wanted a time-out.
Ted was the director and I was auditioning for his new production entitled ‘Bets’. My co-star, Koos, was a friendly man and a well-known actor in this field. But they did not know me yet. I had just returned to the Netherlands after 17 years in France.

A mantra
In the cold hallway of the former school building I felt my heart pounding. What else would he want to do? I was a physical actor, my style of acting was dynamic. I gave my role a special touch so that it became physical. That was very common in France but here in the Netherlands it was less stylized.
Was that why Ted hesitated?

I thought to myself: why do you doubt yourself? You can act well and you like doing it. They should also take you for the qualities you have.
A nice sentence, I thought to myself and I repeated it: ‘I’m good at it and I like doing it’. Yes, I thought, because of this situation you have lost faith in yourself but: ‘I’m good at it and I like doing it.’ I repeated it again, it seemed like a mantra. In the toilet I started saying it with different intonations. I listened to my voice and found it more and more fitting. I sang it softly in different ways and had to laugh at myself.

Bets and Neuteboom
There, I thought, that’s enough. I left the toilet and returned to the hall. Ted explained it again: my role was that of the 90-year-old Neuteboom. Koos played neighbour Bets who cared for Neuteboom because the old man did not want to go to a nursing home and because she was devoted to him and he was her main reason for living. But this made Bets dependent and therefore also had its disadvantages. Ted asked me to act as if I were in a wheelchair.
The impediment of the wheelchair was exactly something that stimulated me as an actor. There I could indulge myself with my physical acting.
Ted did not have to think anymore, I got the role.

I think this situation can serve as a model for situations where you are suddenly faced with a major challenge: auditioning, giving a presentation, speaking in front of a group, taking an exam.

Letting the fear disappear
When you analyse my behaviour, the emotion is the first thing that stands out. Because Ted wanted to see me play again, I was terrified. I was paralysed and that was certainly not a good starting point to then pass the test. Intuitively, I stepped out of the situation and asked for a time-out. That was a useful step because now I could observe the resistance in my body in the hallway, which decreased as a result.
At the same time, I repeated the sentence that became a mantra. The content was correct, it was the truth: I could play well and it was what I loved doing most. But due to the circumstances, I had started to doubt myself.
By repeating the sentence and also by laughing at myself, the fear disappeared and I was able to do an excellent improvisation.

At the time of this incident I had not yet officially started my research into the origins of stress. But apparently it already interested me.

Dealing with fear of failure
Dealing with fear of failure is one of the themes we cover in the workshop ‘De Innerlijke Metamorfose in zelfbeeld en emoties’.

As you can see in the example above, you need two themes:
1. emotions (what do you do with your feelings?); and
2. self-image (what do you do with your thoughts?).
The workshop gives you a practical step-by-step plan to calm your fear of failure and become more confident in yourself. Not by being someone else, but by believing in who you are.

*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch