11 Jun Save you a seat
I’ll save you a seat next to me
You’re always at the table
Hope you’re proud of what you see
Watchin’ with the angels
This is what Alex Warren sings in his song “Save You a Seat”. His raw, husky voice sends shivers down your spine. It’s as if he’s trying to tear open the invisible wall that separates him from his deceased parents. Alex’s father died of kidney cancer when he was 9. His mother was an alcoholic and kicked him out of the house when he was 18. A few years later, she died as well. Alex is now 25.
I’ll save you a seat next to me
You’re always at the table
It sounds a bit cliché, but at the same time, it’s so beautiful. It’s comforting and healing to maintain direct contact with the deceased. I stand before the special place I created in our house with a Buddha statue, my parents’ statue of the Virgin Mary, and a large candle. I feel the love that is so direct and still very much alive between us; I don’t have to try. I never think, “Oh, if only she was still here…” or “I wish he’d come and take a look…” Because those are dreams. But the love is real.
Keep your room like nothing’s changed
Try to love, but it’s not the same
For a while, I also kept my first wife’s belongings perfectly intact. Every time I broke the seal, I was aware: she still folded this cloth. Now I unfold it. As if something of her was still there. “No one has touched this box since you.” I open and close it gently. At the same time, I know it’s fleeting like a scent and merely an illusion.
There was an evening before I returned to the Netherlands. The house, which in my mind was a museum of Pauline’s, needed to be emptied. We were tasked with repurposing Pauline’s belongings. My good friend Jörn had come to help me. After dinner, we began. I picked up a pair of Pauline’s shoes that hadn’t been moved yet, stood still for a moment, and then put them back down. I couldn’t do it. “No problem,” Jörn said, “we’ll continue tomorrow.” The next day, I was able to do it. I found the entire process of repurposing her belongings cathartic. It took three full days. We took things to friends and to the thrift store. There was also a box where I kept a few things I kept with me.
I save you a seat
You’re always at the table
But without melodrama. Just softly, naturally. Because that’s how it feels.
*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch
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