11 Jun Two sisters

Carefully Henk opens the door. There is soft light and cool air. Marianne lies in a wicker basket. ‘She wanted that herself’, says Henk. It also fits well, I think. It contributes to the simplicity and tranquility that the space breathes.

Peace, that was what Marianne craved. Her head was spinning. She was no longer in control of her own thoughts or her own feelings. In her head, gloomy threatening clouds raced across the sky, which she could not stop. When the sun broke through, it was in something small that she experienced very intensely. Or if she could take care of a person in need. Then her eyes warmed up and her heart began to shine.
But even then, the clouds were lurking.

Next to the basket, Henk fills the void. He tells in a calm voice openly and honestly how everything went and how he experiences it himself. Each time his eye wanders to the body in the basket. ‘Marianne was very sensitive,’ he says, ‘she was marked by a deep wound and a sensitive character.’ It is quiet for a moment.
Marianne seems to be smiling from one side of her face now that everything is over. The other side looks worn out.

Softly shining moon
Marianne is the older sister of Pauline, my first wife. If Pauline was a radiant sun, Marianne was the softly shining moon. But often also a lunar eclipse.
I looked at that wound of her childhood a lot. First together with Pauline and later also as a coach. How was it possible that one sister was so positive and the other so dark in life?
But that was part of the problem.

A spewing volcano
Both children grew up in a spewing volcano. A brother had a brain tumor and was only allowed to live for four years. Father also got a brain tumor, was nursed at home and transformed from a sweet man into a person with hailstorms due to the pressure in the brain.

Mother could not keep the helm with Marianne and only regained control with Pauline. Until Pauline also disappeared into the volcano.

I look at Marianne. Next to her, a child has placed a cuddly toy, a soft white sheep that looks into the world with an open mind. Well chosen, I think to myself. She seems to be leaning against it. Henk stops talking and lovingly touches her hands and forehead.

I have Pauline’s Zen rug with me in a bag. In it is also a photo of Pauline. I take it out of the bag and put it with Marianne. Two sisters, now together.

Healing old wounds
That healing old wounds is not easy or in certain cases may not be possible, we experienced with Marianne.
Nevertheless, I like to show in my workshops the direction of healing and processing, which often gives good results. Thought tracks that draw deep furrows in the brain can be influenced and transformed. Feelings that take you and pull you down,you can calm down. The more severe the suffering, the louder the person wants to scream: ‘I don’t want this, I don’t want this to happen to me’.
But it is precisely that cry that seems so justified that also maintains the feeling.

*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch