11 Jun Your secret space

Five of us are sitting at a small table chatting after Zen meditation. Machteld tells us about a lecture she attended by a psychiatrist friend. The theme was transparency versus having a secret space. It’s an interesting topic. The moment someone mentions the word ‘secret’ you become curious. If you share a secret, you are privileged over those who are still unaware.
Betraying a secret can have far-reaching consequences for the person concerned.

This isn’t for the little ones
With children, secrets can take on a sharper form. In our family of five, we used to have ‘the big ones’ and ‘the little ones’. As the middle child of five, after the toddler years, I looked forward to the privilege of being promoted to the big ones. That came with privileges. You were allowed to go to bed later, you were included in other conversations: ‘No, this isn’t for the little ones yet, go play outside for a bit, we still have something to discuss.’ The big ones already knew about ‘Sinterklaas’ (Dutch), the little ones still believed, so cute…

Sometimes when we had visitors, we little ones were sent to bed early, but I tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep. What could those grown-ups be talking about that I wasn’t supposed to know? I crept downstairs and secretly listened behind the front room door. Of course, I was caught there, and against my expectations, I was allowed to sit on the adults’ laps for a bit and taste a chocolate. See?

Writing in your secret space
According to the psychiatrist Machteld spoke about, we can distinguish three spaces within ourselves: a personal space, a public space, and a secret space. The psychiatrist emphasized the importance of this secret space, which everyone possesses to a greater or lesser extent. In fact, she argued that we need it. You can share your personal space with your partner and friends, your public space is accessible to everyone, but your secret space is only known to you, and when you share it, it is conscious and selective.

When I write in my journal, I create space for my secret space. In an exchange with a coach, you’re more open than with friends. That’s one of the great benefits of coaching. You reveal much more of your dark side. Your wounds and weaknesses are allowed to be visible there. Your secret desires and ambitions can also be discussed there, provided… they remain secret! Exploring and recognizing this dark side, giving it voice, and becoming friends with it is enriching. You understand your motives more fully and, if necessary, you can even transcend them.

Safe
People say they experience my workshops as safe. Before we begin, I consciously create a secret space. I say: ‘I’d like to agree that everything we share in this group will remain in this space between us, and nothing will be revealed, so you can feel safe.’ Then everyone raises their hand, and we can go inside.

In two days, on Thursday evening, the workshop “De Innerlijke Metamorfose in zelfbeeld en emoties” begins. After agreeing not to reveal anything external, we can freely explore our inner space. There will be no judgment, only insight and understanding. From there, you can take steps and develop yourself. You will be given the tools to do so.

*This post has been automatically translated from Dutch